happy birthday, baby…

By Autumn · On May 10 · Comments (5)

i’m feeling more emotional than i imagined i would as you turn one year old today, finn, and despite my efforts to be cheerful, i keep thinking back to where the two of us were on this day a year ago…maybe one day i’ll write our birth story out for others to see. for now, it still feels right to keep it fairly private, even though it was a moment of pride and pain that i enjoy remembering…

i’m happy that you’re growing up — i LOVE seeing you emerge from your ‘baby world’ day-by-day– creating your own games, noticing airplanes & trees & motorcycles…and walking. i love getting to know who you are. so the melancholy i feel doesn’t seem to be related to the loss of your babyhood…

instead, i find myself contemplating this year that’s gone by; the year that made me a mother. there will never be another year like it and, like birth, i feel a mixture of pain and pleasure at its passing. a fondness and relief that i have traversed this rite of motherhood, the first year of life… a nostalgia for its difficulties and a gratefulness to have made it through. a pride in the new woman who i am today. because i met you. they say our parents are our greatest teachers and i hope you will see that i truly endeavor daily to embody that for you.

but you have been the greatest teacher of my life, as well….
this was OUR year, my son.

happy birthday, baby.
the best is yet to come.
xoxo always,
your mama

eleven months old…

By Autumn · On Apr 24 · Comments (5)

Finn…
I enticed you to stay in place for this shot by plying you with yogurt melties — which held your interest for approximately 1.3 seconds before you took off in a dead sprint for the staircase (aka your current obsession). My oh my, do you have opinions about what you want to do and where you want to go! You love to hold onto an adult’s finger and set off in a frenzy for a set of stairs, or the dog food, or an open doorway. Getting you dressed in the morning is a serious challenge, and therefore you spend many days without a pair of pants or shoes (your nanny Mary has the magic touch of convincing you to get dressed — I seem to be lacking in that skill and I still have a lot to learn from her!).

Lately, I’ve been spending hours at night poring over the footage from your birth and its unbelievable to me what a journey we’ve been on as a family this year… I’ve become a different person. You’ve changed me forever. I’m wiser, more joyful, more cynical, more fearful, more free, more ambitious, more pure, more conflicted and more clear than I have ever been in my life. What beautiful turmoil children turn out to be… I am ever grateful for the lack of sleep, abundance of laughter, outpouring of friendship, confrontation of character, and pureness of love that you have brought into our lives.
I absolutely and forever adore you, my Finn.
xoxo
your mama